“A man is rich not by what he owns but what he can do without.”
— Immanuel Kant
It was in 2014 when I chose to leave my previous workplace for a new one. Behind the excitement, a huge feeling of anxiety and discomfort exist.
“Why are you doing this?”
“Are you willing to start all over again?”
“Are you sure about your decision?”
These are some of the questions given to me. I was 100% certain that I’m willing to embrace the life ahead of me.
But…
Fast forward to this date, I am still struggling in some areas.
It’s been nearly six years, and I don’t have that many friends as I did before. And by this, I mean someone that I can consider my really close friends. The ones I can laugh out loud with and be more of myself.
On the early years, it was a hard pill for me to swallow. There was too much unnecessary dramas in my first year at my new workplace that it brought me to depression. And having no close friends to talk to made it even worse. Don’t get me wrong. I tried making friends, but they don’t have the same wavelength as me.
I eventually got tired of chasing people to come into my life.
I miss the feeling of being invited to eat outside. I miss the small chit chats. I miss those feelings.
But what have I learned from this?
1. No one else can motivate me better than myself
“The will to win, the desire to be successful, the urge to reach your full potential…these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.” — Confucius
As human, I look for others’ approval before I commit myself to something. I look for encouragement from others like my friends to evaluate if I am heading in the right direction. But nobody knows what the outcome would be.
I realized I have to follow my intuition. If there is something I desire that does not violate the law of God and nature, I go for it.
I remind myself that I can do it. There is only learning to have whether I succeed or not. I don’t need anyone’s approval. I need to hear my own voice whether I should go for my dreams or not.
In teaching, intrinsic motivation is more encouraged instead of giving bribes like stars and rewards. This will push the student to excel if there is an inner drive to help fuel the goal. It comes from within the individual out of will or interest.
2. Find out my strengths and weaknesses
“If you’re being ignored, that’s a good time to concentrate on finding yourself and creating your own mystery.” — Lykke Li
When I am surrounded by people who are always willing to help me, it makes me rely on them so much. But when I have no one to ask for help, it opens new areas for learning.
I discovered myself, even more, when there are no outside noises to dictate what I can or cannot do. It gives me the chance to know myself even further. It is a time to create myself.
3. Learn anything my heart desires
“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.” —Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Since I have no one to seek counsel with, I opened myself to more room for learning. I read books more than I ever did in my entire existence. I attend online courses and seminars to improve myself.
My situation gave me a limitless perspective. In the past, I had no interest learning other areas because my circle of friends is the same. I never wanted to get out of my comfort zone.
But since I have no choice, I found out it is exciting to try and discover something new. Who would realize that reading philosophy books are fun?
How would I know I can actually be in charge of charity works in school and be really good in it?
How will I know I have some other talents and that my students love me?
I found out that I can learn anything if I have the determination and persistence to do it. I don’t need other people’s go signal to try something new. Learn without guilt. Try without reservations.
4. Have stronger faith than ever
Having less friends right now helped me to strengthen my faith more than ever. It reminds me that everything happens for a reason. It is a belief that tomorrow is going to become better than today.
Most importantly, my faith in myself became stronger. It constantly reminds me that I can do it and can push myself even further.
When there is no one to cheer me around, I need to be my own believer. It removes doubts and fears of the unknown. It inspires me to take that brave step that even real friends won’t think I can. It fuels my determination to soar higher than my current situation.
5. Develop my relationship with my husband
“My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.” — Henry Ford
Having less friends around helped me to become closer to my husband. I appreciate the time I spend with him. He gives the right advice without any reservations.
He always believes in me. I learned the real meaning of “trust.” When friends are scarce, that’s when I realize the importance of people in my family. The ones who never left me and accept me for who I am.
So the conclusion is?
Having friends is fun, of course. Having someone to share happy moments with. Having someone to shed a tear with. Having someone to laugh with.
There are times when I wish I have some close circle of friends like I used to. But circumstances make it more difficult to find them now.
While I’m hopeful that I will meet them at the right time, I’m also thankful that this phase helped me value the importance of friendship and family. At least I have found two of them now (you know who you are ❤️).
It likewise helped me to see that to be a better friend, I have to befriend myself first.
